Can't Cook, Won't Cook

We got off to a slow start today, except for No.1 Son who was up at 7am to have breakfast and get ready and off to school, myself, DH and No.2. Son all had a lie-in until 10am, (very lazy), to make up for our 5am start yesterday.

Having parcelled up all my eBay sales, I plucked up courage to walk into the village to the Post Office, where I am more than a little afraid of the Sub-Postmistress. She always tells me off for doing something wrong with my parcels. Is it a bit churlish to say here, that I have never picked her up on her mistakes, such as not writing the Postcode on the Proof of Delivery, or once when she printed the same label twice on the same square and then wondered why she was one label short, etc, etc.?

 

Following Fostermummy's example I also popped into the charity shop and bought two 'things' of wool, one cost 20p and the other 40p, to add to my new "stash". Not bad, methinks!

  As always today is Day One of the diet, (I really do have to get this one off the ground), so I had a 43 calorie soup for lunch, followed by a 98 calorie Muller Light yoghurt.

 This afternoon's activity was a trip to a local Forrestry Commission site where there are several bike trails but also this great Skills track which kept little Son quite happy for a couple of hours while Mommy sat watching from the car, crocheting more squares, (left arm is much better today!).

 

 The car-park cost £2 for 2 hours, which I didn't mind so much as I know it goes towards improving the facilities themselves, but I also ended up buying No. 2 Son a bottle of Ribena for £1.40!!! and myself a coffee for £1.95!! from the very nice Cafe. Frugal ladies, I clearly need to learn to anticipate these events and plan better to take our own stuff in future. This is the problem with not having had to ever think about it before and now having to think of every penny. Could do better!!

This evening I did spend an hour browsing through the Approved Foods website, as recommended by several people, but I am ashamed to say I didn't see anything on there that was remotely similar as a substitute to what's on our 'normal' shopping list. In fact, a lot of the things on there I wouldn't know what to do with. I think more work is needed to a) change our normal eating habits b) learn to cook from scratch so I know how I can use ingredients.

However the good news was I got my Tesco shop down to £65.92 tonight. I think that has to be my cheapest shop ever, a record!! However, I am now slightly worried that I have forgotten a load of things and am just going to end up popping in and out of the local shop all week, for extra bits that cost even more in there. I really have to watch this one.

 Just as amazingly, as that good news, I actually cooked today. It's absolutely unheard of, but I am trying to be inspired by people such as the wonderful Frugal Queen. I started off with something small, a recipe out of my Mary Berry Ultimate Cake Book. Ha, ha, yes I do own cookbooks, but they have moths in - tasty!

Mini Chocolate Buns

Measure 1.5oz soft margarine, 1 egg, 1.5oz self-raising flour, o.5oz cocoa, sifted, 1/2 tsp baking powder and 1.5oz caster sugar together in a bowl and beat well until thoroughly blended. Easy, peasy! Bake for 10-15 minutes at 180deg.

The book said this would make 32 cakes using petit fours cases. I didn't have that size so I tried to put more mixture into less cases. However, the results were somewhat dubious, as you can see:-

Either they didn't rise properly or it was still too little mixture in each case as the cases aren't even half full. The other problem was the 2oz icing sugar and 1/5 tsp of water did not make enough to cover all the cakes, so there was one lonely chap left out. Still better luck next time.

I am extremely good at being hard on myself, that is made much worse by my current condition, so I am going to work hard this evening to congratulate myself on what I have achieved today.

Summary

The Bad News

I spent money on drinks out I shouldn't have - £3.35 overspend.

Cakes not a great success - I'd like to blame Mary Berry, but I think she's been doing this a lot longer than me.

The Good News

I sent off all my eBay parcels promptly.

I made good use of No.2 Son's last day of the holidays to do an activity he really enjoyed.

I reduced my calorie intake for today substantially. Day One of the diet starts again tomorrow.

I reduced my weekly shopping spend significantly.

I actually COOKED - me, cooking! It's a start, hey!

How was your day? Tell me, what did you start doing today?

Lots of love Arwedd xxx

 

 

Confessions of a Selfish 41 year old ...

Today's Blog is brought to you by the letter C

Camping (well sort of!)

No. 2 son enjoyed his camp bed 'adventure' in the study and has already brought to that room, the havoc he normally wreaks in his own bedroom. He declared this morning that it was more comfortable than his bed and he was going to live there from now on. Must check out his matress?

Canal

Today we took our friend out for the day to Exeter Canal. 

The towpath has been paved over and it leads on a nice walk down to this lovely Pub.

Cycling

However rather than walk it we decided to get the bikes out and Cycle it. 

They are on the path on the right, in front of me!

 It's quicker to get to the beer that way! The weather was so lovely that we were able to sit outside and watch the fun in the Play Area.

Confession time

I haven't really told anyone about the problems I have been going through in the past few months, except one or two very, very close friends. However, when my friend asked me how things were going at work, I couldn't lie. Lying is something I am rubbish at, even 'fudging' I'm not great at, so people often get a more honest answer than they were expecting.

It's very hard to admit that, as a grown woman, you would rather die on the spot than have to walk in the office doors and face another person. It doesn't help that when I first went off sick, I had to tell my Mum and Dad, who told me I should "man up", get back in there and fight to defend my job and my abilities. Mum said I just needed to pull myself together and get back to work because having sickness on my record was extremely damaging to a career I had spent 20 years building to get near the top of. "Mother is always right" and it is indeed hard to think that I have done all of that, made lots of sacrifices along the way and Failed, with a capital F. Being a failure feels cr*p. It's hard to explain that being bullied, is similar to worse forms of abuse, in that it eats away at your confidence gradually, it somehow sneaks up on you and pulls you down until you have no fight left in you. If it it had been just that I had to deal with I might have coped, but with the PTSD and dreams where I am continually counting, as though I am doing CPR, over & over again, it was just too much. Maybe I am just a weak person.

It is hard to admit that, as a grown woman, I have basically been a coward and run away. If it was one of my boys being bullied at school, I'm not sure I would recommend they just hide. I would no doubt tell them to stand up for themselves, just like my Mum did to me. I know she says it because she loves me and wants to try and fire me up, but it hurts to be told I'm being selfish, not thinking of my family or doing what's best for them. In fact making their lives worse because I won't be able to provide for them. Consequently, I haven't yet told them I have handed in my notice and am unemployed. I'm still plucking up the courage and trying to find the stength to deal with the reaction. However I did tell my friend, and his reaction? The best thing for my family is a happy and healthy Mommy, he said. A friend indeed!

In the words of James Morrison,

 "If I knew yesterday what I know today

where would I be tomorrow,

I won't let my soul slide away,

I'd do whatever it takes,

Coz this time's only borrowed"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlIWLwQlCso

Indeed, unlike my miraculous DH who's on his second, I do only have one life to live and I want to live it. The wonderful thing about the Easter Story is that Jesus teaches us, life and love and joy can come out of the darkest of times. Until I learn how to live my life right going forwards from here, I will just have to pray that God will catch me when I fall and keep Stepping Out in Faith.............

I feel the need to lighten the mood now, so I'm asking you the question No.2 son asked me this morning:-

"Mummy, I always put my right sock on first, which foot do you put your sock on first?" I still haven't figured out the answer myself, but what about you? Do you know?

Lots of Love Arwedd xxx