Tuesday, 14 August 2012

Misery loves Company

Do you think that's true? I'm not sure I do. Surely real misery justs wants to be left alone to hide in a corner. I don't think that's what the phrase is meant to mean though, is it? It's more like saying a sad person wants everyone around them to feel equally sad and I don't really think that's true either. I don't think when I'm feeling bad, I really want to make everyone else feel bad aswell.

I read a blog that I follow the other day and the lovely lady was talking about the posts that made her cringe. This did seem to encompass pretty much every type pf post, nearly all I am guilty of and there didn't appear to be much left to safely Blog about. However, Number 5 on her list was:-

The fishing post

Possibly not intentional, probably intentional, the 'woe is me' post that includes a dissection of your lack of self-esteem and general unworthiness is heart-breaking, but cringe-inducing. Especially when 47 people comment on the post to tell you how wonderful you are and yet, there you are again next week with a new post about how un-wonderful you are. Yep, there you are.

She's going to really hate my post today, still she doesn't follow me, so she should be fine. I do a lot of "woe is me" type posts because a lot of the time I feel woeful and my Blog is a reflection of my days. 

Today, my struggling turned into a full blown melt down and I turned to a good friend I knew would help me. In amongst other texts I sent her this, "I'm just fat & stupid & useless and I'm making my family's life worse. Everyone would just be better off without me!" 

Wow, a real big "woe is me" moment, but I didn't say it because I wanted her to contradict me or for affirmation, (although it's always good to hear they don't think that's true). I said it because it was an outpouring of my 'reality' today and it somehow lessens it, if it's effectively said "out loud". If I had kept that 'truth' to myself I know it would grow inside me. That may not make sense anywhere other than in my own brain!!

Her excellent advice was to open my Bible and read it, but I just couldn't. I picked it up, I turned it over and over in my hands for at least half an hour, but I couldn't open it and I wanted to understand why? I've thought about it long and hard all day, partly because it helped keep my mind off the other issue that caused the melt down, but mainly because I wanted to know the answer. I'm still not sure I really do, but  I think I'm getting nearer to it.

(sorry, there's a lot of very circular thinking in this one.)

It's something to do with the fact that when I feel useless and a failure, that seems utterly true to me, it is real and nothing anyone says to the contrary can really change that reality or dissuade me from believing it because that can't fit with my truth.

Therefore, if I were to read something in the Bible to the contrary, which perhaps told me that I was very precious to God and "the very hairs of [my] head are numbered. Therefore have no fear; you are worth more than many sparrows" Matthew 10 v 29-31, I would have to reject it as untrue. As rejecting the word of God is a total anathema to me, better surely that I not read it, then I won't upset Him or me.

Does all that fuzzy logic make your brain ache?, it does mine, but then my brain turned to mush long before today. 

To be perfectly honest, I'll be glad when today is over, you wouldn't believe how hard I've found it to send two simple texts. I've cried and hyperventilated myself into a state of exhaustion today and I knew my brain had finally given out, when I went to get ready to take number 1 Son to a cricket match tonight and I sprayed hairspray under my arms instead of deodorant! 

I need a lie down in a dark room and hopefully my Bible will be open in the morning.

Lots of Love Arwedd xx

P.S. Please feel free to ignore my "woe is me" post and not tell me how wonderful I am, I'm just exuding my gunk!


  1. Ignore the writer of the blog. There is nothing wrong it's blogging about your woe x

  2. I agree with Justine. It seems like you're having a hard time at the moment and I hope things will improve for you soon. I think you should put whatever you want on your blog, happy or sad. After all, it's YOUR blog, no-one else's. Sending lots of love and hugs your way and reminding you that you have lots of friends out there xxx

  3. Theres an Emily Dickinson poem [sorry, too tired to hunt it down right now] which says that when you are in pain, you cannot remember a time when you werent, or believe there will be a time in the future when you are pain free. Depression/feeling low is like that. And i DO get what you are saying about trying to read the Bible. Look at some of the Psalms instead, where David gets mad at God cos his life is crap and the baddies seem to be sailing along happily [thats my very loose paraphrase there] You are NOT alone sister - and its times like this when it may help to share your woe, and know that friends are sending love, hugs and prayers your way, when your fuzzy brain cant sort it all out.
    may you really FEEL some blessings soon xx

  4. I too have written woeful posts because that's how I felt at the time - sometimes I have felt despairing.Once things have improved it's good to look back on the woeful posts and see how much things have changed and how far I have come. I hope that you too will be able to look back on your posts very soon and see the progress you have made. x

  5. It's part of life..we have good days, and we have bad's natural to share....and God really doesn't mind if you get mad at him!
    Jane x

  6. This is your blog and its tracking your journey warts and all.Hang in there these bad times will pass.

  7. Hellfire Girlfriend, it is your blog, and your misery, you write away.... oh and don't tell me that you can't write well, cos you do!
    Much love x

  8. Your blog, your words and we are your support.
    Please accept a 'One Lovely Blog' award from me
    hugs and love

  9. Hello Arwedd
    stop thinking so much get up and do...the more you think the worse it'll be...activity is a healer!!!!
    By all means get it out of your system everytime you feel like this by writing here ....write and write and write. I for one will not be going away because you need to vent your worries. Its your blog use it as you see fit. I'll echo what MummyHen says we are your support...blogging isn't just about admiration and praise of things people say and do it s about support about being here for another blogger when they need backup too.
    Don't be afraid to continue get rid of those negative thoughts and airing them will help!

    sending lots of warm vibes on their way across the channel to Devon and you

    Amanda x

  10. OK, I'll ignore some of your post but I just have to tell you that I had a little giggle when you told us about spraying your underarms with hairspray!
    Love from Mum
    PS Feel free to get rid of the gunk.

  11. Hang in there girl! Your blog, you write what you want! I think it is fairly normal to have ups & downs, I understand your thought patterns & I am the sort that has to put 'stuff' into words. Once its out of my mouth I feel a million times better & usually no further action is required as life is good again, somehow saying it out loud seems to sort it. I'm not the type to mouth off at people randomly, but I do have one or two dear friends who I can unburden myself to.

  12. It helps to write about it, or talk it out, at least it helps me. I enjoy your blog and part of the reason is that it's real-you don't have to pretend everything's wonderful when it's not. You write about your good days and bad days and I appreciate that. I know what it is to feel like nothing will ever get better, and talking about it helps. Sending prayers for better days your way!

  13. Saying how you feel is the best tonic my mom used to say. Keeping everything in makes you burst like bottle of pop! We all have ups and downs in life and our friends and family help us with what ever life throws at us.


    X x

  14. Hi Arwedd, Misery loves Company, depends who or what the company is surely!And no im not going to give you a prescription Bible verse, frankly they have been of little encouragement unless i read the passage before and after in my Bible,and yes i am a Christian.
    This is an addictive pastime so will end now,you will be in my Prayers. Love Tricia South Africaxx