Do you think that's true? I'm not sure I do. Surely real misery justs wants to be left alone to hide in a corner. I don't think that's what the phrase is meant to mean though, is it? It's more like saying a sad person wants everyone around them to feel equally sad and I don't really think that's true either. I don't think when I'm feeling bad, I really want to make everyone else feel bad aswell.
I read a blog that I follow the other day and the lovely lady was talking about the posts that made her cringe. This did seem to encompass pretty much every type pf post, nearly all I am guilty of and there didn't appear to be much left to safely Blog about. However, Number 5 on her list was:-
The fishing post
Possibly not intentional, probably intentional, the 'woe is me' post that includes a dissection of your lack of self-esteem and general unworthiness is heart-breaking, but cringe-inducing. Especially when 47 people comment on the post to tell you how wonderful you are and yet, there you are again next week with a new post about how un-wonderful you are. Yep, there you are.
She's going to really hate my post today, still she doesn't follow me, so she should be fine. I do a lot of "woe is me" type posts because a lot of the time I feel woeful and my Blog is a reflection of my days.
Today, my struggling turned into a full blown melt down and I turned to a good friend I knew would help me. In amongst other texts I sent her this, "I'm just fat & stupid & useless and I'm making my family's life worse. Everyone would just be better off without me!"
Wow, a real big "woe is me" moment, but I didn't say it because I wanted her to contradict me or for affirmation, (although it's always good to hear they don't think that's true). I said it because it was an outpouring of my 'reality' today and it somehow lessens it, if it's effectively said "out loud". If I had kept that 'truth' to myself I know it would grow inside me. That may not make sense anywhere other than in my own brain!!
Her excellent advice was to open my Bible and read it, but I just couldn't. I picked it up, I turned it over and over in my hands for at least half an hour, but I couldn't open it and I wanted to understand why? I've thought about it long and hard all day, partly because it helped keep my mind off the other issue that caused the melt down, but mainly because I wanted to know the answer. I'm still not sure I really do, but I think I'm getting nearer to it.
(sorry, there's a lot of very circular thinking in this one.)
It's something to do with the fact that when I feel useless and a failure, that seems utterly true to me, it is real and nothing anyone says to the contrary can really change that reality or dissuade me from believing it because that can't fit with my truth.
Therefore, if I were to read something in the Bible to the contrary, which perhaps told me that I was very precious to God and "the very hairs of [my] head are numbered. Therefore have no fear; you are worth more than many sparrows" Matthew 10 v 29-31, I would have to reject it as untrue. As rejecting the word of God is a total anathema to me, better surely that I not read it, then I won't upset Him or me.
Does all that fuzzy logic make your brain ache?, it does mine, but then my brain turned to mush long before today.
To be perfectly honest, I'll be glad when today is over, you wouldn't believe how hard I've found it to send two simple texts. I've cried and hyperventilated myself into a state of exhaustion today and I knew my brain had finally given out, when I went to get ready to take number 1 Son to a cricket match tonight and I sprayed hairspray under my arms instead of deodorant!
I need a lie down in a dark room and hopefully my Bible will be open in the morning.
Lots of Love Arwedd xx
P.S. Please feel free to ignore my "woe is me" post and not tell me how wonderful I am, I'm just exuding my gunk!