Trust

Welcome to new Follower, Eight by Six.

I'm struggling this week, after a lovely couple of days and am left contemplating the concept of Trust. It feels to me like a very fragile thing, like a butterfly's wing.

Do we need it? Do we have to have someone in our life that we trust or is it something we can live without completely?

I started my EMDR therapy this week. Well I say started I had the Intro session where you get the lecture about your sessions being confidential but with exceptions, such as you might harm yourself or someone else, etc, etc. It's probably that which has me overworking my already taxed and feverish brain and you know what A.A. Milne said, "When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it." I am truly a bear of very little brain.

So who should you trust? I have a clear picture in my head of the inside of the Family room on the local Intensive Care ward and looking around at my nearest and dearest, and wondering who would protect me from them, if my DH did not survive or was as mentally handicapped as was predicted. Is that extremely selfish of me? I knew the only person I could trust to keep me safe, was fighting for his life on the ward nextdoor and part of my absolute terror of losing him was I knew these others would overpower me without him there.

I'm ashamed to say that in those first 2 weeks while he lay critically ill, the only thing I managed to do, as I was barely functional, was to renew mine and the Boys passports. I'm not really sure looking back what that was all about. Did I think if DH didn't survive I would flee the country? Was it to be free? from people I don't trust with my Wellbeing. 

I was always taught

but I never really took to that philosophy and generally trust everyone first, with my everything, until they prove unworthy of my trust.

So I'll keep learning to :

* Trust in the Lord
* Trust in those who see the sorrow behind my smile and care about the reasons why.
* Trust in myself

Until I have all that mastered, I'll keep on stepping out in Faith.


Lots of Love Arwedd xx 

My turn to win!!

Thank you all so much for the Birthday Wishes for yesterday. This morning I felt like my Birthday was continuing when I had two late cards, they were lovely and a big brown parcel.

I had so much fun, not that long ago, when everyone was a Winner in my Giveaway and today it was my turn to win. I almost never win anything but I love entering free prize draws and this was a Docrafts club monthly draw.

When I opened the box, there was a lovely Boofles Stamping Kit which might just go as a Christmas pressie for someone else, because there was more than enough left for me.

Under the stamping set was all of these paper packs, decoupage kits, sticker sets, and stepper card sets.

There were still all of these stamps, ribbons, and bows in the box.

There has to be well over £100 worth of crafting goodies, Wowcher, what an amazing extra gift!!

What have you won lately?

Lots of Love Arwedd xx

P.S. Please May I? and Welsh Poppy, I still have your prizes on my mantel.

Birthday Girl

Well, despite my numerous hints about favour vouchers, I didn't get any from the Boys. So you might want to know what I did get for my Birthday: -

*4 bars of Chocolate - not really going to help the figure, but Hey ho!
* a bottle of wine - that won't last long
* a £10 gift voucher
* a copy of the first volume of the Art of Crochet new magazine 99p edition

                       (I'm keeping the magazine pages for the patterns but the "Getting Started" 

             DVD covers the basics which I already know, so if anyone would like it

 I can send it on for you to have a go at "Getting Started". )

* a lie in - my DH mumbled when the alrm went off this morning that he would take youngest Son to school for me.
* lunch with DH in the local Cafe
* tea made for me by the Boys - hotdogs on bread. Plenty of Ketchup (they're addicted to it)!!!
* a text from FM with a voucher for lunch on her, very kind of you FM.
* and a Ticket from my SIL to go to the Creative Stitches and Hobbycrafts Fair this Sat coming. I'm already giddy with excitement about it, but MUST be very strict about a budget for buying anything I see that I like.

No card or message from some close family members but maybe that was too much to expect?
Just glad I got some nice things at all. 

Off to scoff chocolate. Nom nom nom.

Lots of Love Arwedd xx

Frugal Birthday gifts

There is nothing I need for my Birthday. Of course, there are always lots of things I would like for my Birthday, most of which are craft stuff, bits of ribbon, wool, etc, etc, but we just don't have any money at the moment.

When DH asked me, "What do you want for your Birthday?". I said, "Wrap up something I already have and give that to me", but I have thought of something I would really love from my boys......

..... Vouchers. Not the expensive kind, for some clothes store or record shop, but the free kind that look like this:-

As I have hardly ever had hugs from my two baby boys, they are just not the huggy type, and as I just live for Hugs, I will need plenty of these, but I'd also quite like:

* a Breakfast in Bed Voucher
* a We'll cook the Tea Voucher
* a Back Rub Voucher
* an I'll tidy my Bedroom Mom voucher
* a You Can have Control of the Remote voucher
* and a couple of Coffee vouchers, (not the Starbucks or Costa** kind), just the sit down and we'll make you one kind. **other brands are available.

What free Birthday gifts would you love to receive?

Lots of Love Arwedd xx

Good friends are like.....

...... Diamonds, precious and rare.

and it is so wonderful to spend time with them.

Yesterday I was lucky enough to be invited out to Elevenses by my friend for her Birthday. She took me and another friend, S, to the Royal William Bakery. I've never been to the Royal William Dockyard before, but they are some stunning beautiful buildings.

The Bakery itself is one section next to the River Cottage restaurant that Froogs blogged about, not that long ago.

It was a rather unusual system as you took a block of wood for your plate.

 Then if you choose the toast option you could cut yourself unlimited bread from a lovely choice of handmade breads. In fact the smell of freshly made bread was the best bit about the whole place.

 There was also a choice of pastries which all looked rather yummy.

Then  you unhooked a coffee mug from the rack above your head and took this over to the coffee machine to get the hot beverage of your choice. You can see them above this lady's head (don't know who she was!!).

One thing I would say, it's no good if you're a bit squeamish about communal food sharing as the butter and jam were in big pots for everyone on the whole bench to share, some of whom are complete strangers.

However, I'm not squeamish and I thoroughly enjoyed my breakfast, especially the part where I didn't have to pay.

I was also amused by the door to the toilets.

We three then went into the Town Centre for a bit of very girly shopping, where I was bought another present by my friend.

Today, I was treated to another lovely meal by the gorgeous Frugalmummy. Thank you ever so much FM for picking me up and dusting me off, yet again, and for the lovely pressies, but most of all your amazing company.

Gosh anyone would think it was nearly my Birthday ......  well, what do you know, it is nearly my Birthday, and I have been given a great idea for a very Frugal birthday present my 3 Boys can get me ..... more on this tomorrow.

Lots of Love Arwedd xx

P.S. Welcome new Follower Vicky, nice to see you and for Sam who emailed me, I will definitely share the very beginner instructions for the Chocolate Cake soon and you definitely can't be a worse cook than me, so we can learn together.

Oh, Oh, P.P.S. - I nearly forgot - This was the friend I made the Granny Square Cowl for here, and when she opened it she thought "Oh no, I can't wear wool!", but she put it on and it didn't itch. She couldn't believe how soft it was and she LOVES it and the colours exactly match the other pressies she had. Hooray!!!!!

Wasn't it Smart

of God to ............

My good friend has taught me a new game to play when I am feeling very down and it has certainly helped to bring a little smile to my face. It also helps me practice how to turn a negative into a positive, something I'm not very good at. I think she got it from somewhere else, so it's not original, (are there any original ideas left?), and I apologise if this is YOUR game, but thanks for it.

If you'd like to join in the game, just comment below.

Wasn't it Smart of God to........

.... make rain fall in lots of drops instead of just one great big one.

.... make us sneeze out and not in.

.... give us big hips to hold up our knickers.

.... give us two eyes, so we can still see to drive with one, whilst rubbing the other.

.... put all our vital organs into the middle bit, so if we lose an arm or leg we'll still be alive.

.... give some of us a receeding hairline not an advancing hairline.

.... give new moms and dads nine months to prepare for how much their lives will change.

.... make us sleep with our eyes closed, so we can't see our spouses sleeping with their mouths open and drooling.

.... give us hard knuckles to knock on doors with.

.... make our knees knobbly so when we kneel to pray we feel just enough discomfort to keep us alert and focussed.

.... give us 10 toes so if we stub one we still have 9 others that don't hurt.

Have Fun

Lots of Love Arwedd xx

You reap what you sow

Now I might be totally on my own with this one, but I was taught growing up that if you were doing something you would not wish to be made entirely public then you shouldn't be doing it. I don't often comment on what's in the news, mainly because I try and avoid the "News" at all costs. I don't buy a newspaper, ever. I try not to watch the News on TV, I'm depressed enough as it is!! However, sometimes I catch it on the radio in the car, so today I'm frustrated over a story about a certain young couple trying to prevent the publications of photos of them.

I can, with all honesty, say I have never sunbathed topless. Many might think me a complete prude, and you may even be right, but I can safely say I have never thought to myself, "How embarassing is it going to be walking into that concert, or that Bar-be-que, with white boobs?". Yes, I have worn a strapless bikini top to avoid tan lines....... those were the days.......... but I've never felt the need to whip out my boobs in Church to prove they are brown (I'm sure everyone is mightily relieved about that too) and so I have never felt the need to burn these precious bundles.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying for a second, that people don't have the right to privacy, they absolutely do, but they must know that when they are the most sought after 'celebrities' in the world that there are a wealth of unscruplulous paparazzi out there with long telephoto lenses. It has happened before folks, so if you don't want photos of your baps, all over the place, guess what the easiest solution is?............ 

Is it just me?....................

Lots of Love Arwedd xx 

A Perfect Pie

Depression is really hard. It doesn't matter how much you try and buck yourself up, it's just not possible. It doesn't matter how many people tell you to stop dwelling on it and get up and do something instead, it's often hard just to stand up, let alone move around. A lot of days are hard, even when I blog about something more cheery, because otherwise my blog would be too "boring" for words. There's often a sense that I am lazy when I find I can't seem to get anything done because I'm moving through treacle. I saw this and thought    

yes, maybe that partly explains it. I spent two and a half years killing myself with overtime to please a Boss that was never going to be satisfied, because of a hidden agenda and now I'm rebelling. This would mean I only have another year to go of being totally lazy before that debt is re-paid. Sadly, I'm not convinced it works like that.

The other thing depression ruins is your ability to be rational. To see the every day disasters of life in a sensible adult rational way. You want to be able to be calm and balanced, but emotions and feelings seem to just flood in. Take my pie for example............

Yesterday, although moving through my "fug" (not sure what this word means, but it's a bit like fog and a bit like sticky mud!!), I thought I would be a good Mommy and make Chicken and Mushroom pie for tea - the one Froogs taught me. There was enough filling for two pie tins, but only enough pastry to top one and a half, but I didn't let that worry me too much. The trouble started after I'd put the pies in the oven to cook.  

When the buzzer went to say they were done, I opened the door and was dismayed. I had forgotten, somehow that puff pastry, you guessed it, puffs up. I had put the best pie too high in the oven and now it wouldn't come out because the top was higher inside the oven. I tried to slide the oven shelf out and catch the pie behind it and in the process of doing so, lost hold of the pie which spilled the best parts of it's contents in the back corner of the oven.

Well, with that, the tears started to flow. My DH came runnning when the sound of my blubbing and wailing got too high and when he said it was Ok, he nearly ended up with the rest of the pie down his shirt!!

However, wonderful man that he is, when faced with me screaming in his face, "No, it's not Ok, everything I do just turns to ****", he stayed very calm and replied, "I know it doesn't feel Ok right now, but look at what you've made............

...........you've made one pie with filling, but no top...............

...........and one pie, with a lovely top, but no filling..............

.......... so between the two, they average out at one perfect pie."

I must admit he did have me chuckling, even through my tears.

Lots of Love Arwedd xx

Cake, containers and the big C.

The big C is my eldest baby boy, 14 years old today. Happy Birthday son.

It doesn't seem 5 mins since this,

then came this,

then you became a climber,

and  it was very hard to let you go,

You were so delighted when you were joined by another,

though you won't admit it now, you made each laugh so much.

and you could sit together quietly and get along.

Now you're 5' 11" and taller than your Dad and I, with Size 11 feet and it won't be long before you're taller than our tree, either.

You're handsome, clever, kind and generous, hardworking and talented. I'm very proud of you and I love you to infinity and back!!

But enough about you.....

I am also in love with my new container, my beautiful drinks bottle. I don't do advertising, but I love, love, love this bottle. It was hugely expensive £15.00 for a small bit of plastic, but I definitely feel it was worth it, in all it's purple loveliness. I have tried free sports bottles, I've tried cheap drinks bottles from the £1.00 shop and I've tried your average £5-7 drinks bottle. My latest (before this one) drinks bottle doesn't stand up properly and leaks badly and it wasn't a cheapy one, just average. The cheap ones smell and taste of horrible plastic. This one is brilliant. It holds 3/4 litre/ 750mls of water and I am on my 5th bottle today. That's over 3 litres of water today. This has upped my daily average water intake by about 2,5 litres. Can't be bad!!

Highly Recommended

and last, but absolutely not least, CAKE!! Birthday cake, of course, but anyone who reads my Blog, knows what fussy foodies my 3 boys are, (DH especially!!), so it can only be CHOCOLATE cake. My sister-in-law gave me the recipe and the instructions and they are truly written for someone who can't cook, like me. Maybe I'll share these tomorrow, but for now, here's just the cake.

 I didn't manage to snap it whole as the ganets were hovering before I even put the last giant button on. I have to say it was my best one ever. Practice really does make perfect. I can hear noises from the kitchen as I sit up here and type so I'm off to stop them eating the rest without me.

Lots of Love Arwedd xx

If this ever changing world...

..... in which we live, makes you give in and cry....

First they came for the Communists, 

but I was not a Communist

so I did not speak out.

They they came for the Socialists

and the Trade Unionists,

but I was neither,

so I did not speak out.

Then they came for the Jews,

but I was not a Jew

so I did not speak out.

Then they came for me,

and there was no-one left

to speak out for me.

Pastor Martin Niemöller

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing". Edmund Burke.

Arwedd xx

Spirals

Welcome to new Follower, Charlotte, nice to have you here. 

**Please May I? and Welsh Poppy, I still have some goodies sitting on my sideboard to send to you, if you send me your details.**
 
The next crochet project is already on the hook.

The fawn wool is 100% Alpaca and I wish you could touch it on the screen as it feels so gorgeously soft. The salmon pink is a Sublime 100% Merino wool. This is for the next September birthday present.


I was caught doing some in the palyground after school today and three Mums I see, but don't normally talk to, came over to inspect my work. One says she has bought the new "Art of Crochet" magazine that has been on so many TV adverts lately (at least in the UK). She was fascinated by the way I hold my yarn, as "that's not how it says in the magazine", but she gave it a go and found it easier. She has done her foundation chain and ripped it back a few times for practice and I felt so happy to say if she gets stuck I would try and help. Me, the beginner, becoming the teacher, that makes me laugh so hard!!

Eldest son queried whether the scarf was supposed to be so twisted, when I said yes it matched the recipient, I had a lot of explaining to do.

Unfortunately, my head is also doing spirals tonight. This is my third severe headache in the last two days, so off to dose myself up with Neurofen and Paracetamol.

Anyone else going to try the new magazine?

Lots of Love Arwedd xx

Crochet Cowl

Oh boy, it took me longer to sew in all those ends than I thought it would, and I still have a couple more to do on the edge, but otherwise this project is complete. Not bad for a couple of days work and less than one ball of each colour yarn, so I have plenty left to do another.

The pattern was an old one from the Crochet with Raymond blog, here. I did 8 squares instead of 7, but I think for myself I would still rather it was looser around my neck.

My favourite colour is the Teal, so I did the edging in this. It's definitely my friend's colour, so hopefully she will like it. However, I'm now having a slight panic that she can't wear wool !?!

The edges look a little bit curled over, so I'm debating whether or not to block this?

Just thinking of another rush project for a different September birthday now, so catch you later.

Lots of Love Arwedd xx

Duh, I'm just so stupid!!

My DH would say that's no surprise as he's known that since he met me, but somehow, I'm always quite surprised by the level of my stupidity. Despite the fact I always say I'm rubbish, it seems, secretly I like to think I'm fairly intelligent, but sadly no....

If you're not interested in crochet look away now and you might continue to live in the misapprehension that I have at least an average IQ.

Does anyway remember my little cry for help, right at the bottom, back here.?

What should have been just a basic old Granny Square, was defeating me, and yet I learnt these with Frugalmummy way back in April. The sides just kept pulling in and whilst it's an interesting shape, it's most definitely not square.

Well last night I was determined to tackle this, as I had a momentary panic that we are now in September and the Birthday, this project is for, is now this month. So I sat down with my crochet books and my 'practice' wool. I picked out a larger hook, 6mm rather than 5.5mm, as suggested by Lawrence and I tried again, and again......

..... and then it dawned on me.............

Both the original pattern I had used and the one I was using, from the first book I picked up, called for Double Crochet stitch, so I was doing double crochets, but bless you, all you lovely Americans, you will insist on using the "wrong" words for things......

What I was meant to be doing was Treble Crochet stitch, all along.

Duh, of course I was, I knew that, so why was I doing the wrong stitch? I DON'T know!!!

I'm surprised you lovely crochet ladies didn't spot it and just put me straight. Are you all just sniggering and whispering behind your hands, "Don't tell her, it's more funny", huh, are you?? Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get you!

This is how it should look:-

Just a bit different !!!!

and now the next square is done too!!

I'm off to finish the rest tonight, so I still have time to make the birthday card tomorrow.

Lots of Love Arwedd xx

In 2 Hockey

Welcome to new Follower Lawrence.

Boy, I've had a long day of standing on my feet today. There was a lot said during the Olympics about "Legacy" and how various sports could capitalise on what was brilliant coverage, in all fairness, by the BBC, of a huge variety of activities.

Well today, the boys Hockey Club was out in the local Town Centre, showing people, old and young alike what it was all about.

We were supported by GB Hockey, who brought a skills game along for everyone to try.

I've tattoo-ed loads of kids with Hockey sticks, handed out leaflets and signed them up to Win an iPad, from 8:30am - 5:30pm. It's been sunny all day and I got really hot at times.

Whille we chatted the children had a great time, on the Astroturf, trying to Beat the Goalie.

Now my poor feet are off for a soak in a bowl of cold water.

Lets just hope some of those who said they were interested will tear themselves away from the telly long enough to come to training and give it a proper go. Much better to be out in the fresh air, keeping fit.

Lots of Love Arwedd xx